Even though Jay never logs on and reads my blogs I"ll post this anyways. If by chance he reads today awesome, if not then those of you that do will know today, on the day of his birth, why I'm so blessed to have him in my life....

My children's father is caring. When Big was little he was a stay at home dad. Most people didn't get it, they felt like he should be the one working not me. What they didn't understand was that I loved my job. Not to mention I was a nervous wreck around Big. So he got ridiculed (a little) but he was not only taking care of him, he was taking care of me and my sanity. I firmly believe Big is who he is because Jay gave him those two years. And now that we have the girls I am able to stay home with them, because having one of us home with our kids is a top priority to him. He works harder everyday for it, yet has NEVER mentioned me going back to work.

My children's father knows time is important. I remember when Big was little I would just be so amazed watching him play and give him so much "face time". He would (and still does) loose track of time when he was in Bigs world. What's really amazing is seeing him give that same devotion to Little and Tiny now. His life is so much busier now then it was back then and yet somehow most days he find a bit of time for each of our kids.

My children's father is loving. He understands that the best gift we can give our children is a healthy view of love and relationships. He knows that by treating me well and loving me best our children will mirror what they see and only accept that kind of love for themselves. He knows that it makes Big more confidant when he tells him he loves him and is proud of him. He see that if he shows our girls a good honest love as they grow up that they will NEVER accept a good for nothing mans love later, because they could never stand in their fathers shoes. He hugs them daily, and not just half hearted hugs, but strong soul gripping hugs. He also knows that to love our children you often have to discipline them, and although he doesn't take pleasure in the process he does it anyway because he cares about the people they become.

My children's father knows how to play. NO one can make Big giggle louder, or make sissy smile broader. He gets dirty, silly, crazy, and goofy in the name of fun. He'll play sports with Big even though that's not his thing because it's Big's thing. He'll dance around with Little because she likes to move. He snuggles Tiny close and just stares into her little face, lost to the rest of us for those few sweet moments. He's a hands on, children are to be played with and heard kinda dad.

My children's father is my world.
He works hard to supply our needs. He loves us best.
He makes me laugh louder and smile bigger everyday.
He stepped up to the challenge of being a dad when many boys would have ran away, for that he's also my hero.
He's the love of my life and the man I plan to get wrinkles with.
He's the best father I know.



Happy Birthday Baby, I'm so blessed to have you as my husband, and our childrens father. Here's to many more candles on many more cakes. MUAWH!

This one's a shortie, but goodie.

This is Big and Little enjoying one of the first fires last year.



I hope all our Holidays will be this warm.

....a post with a little bit of everything......

First I wanted to share the NEW pictures we took of our sweet Tiny. One is in the new header, and then there is this one...simply divine if I might say so myself! Also I will keep you posted but I'm pretty sure we will have a full fledged crawler on our hands by the weekend! Which is soooo cool for her, but it also means I'll have to actually keep ALL my floors swept and mopped..yikes!

Then I thought I'd like to brag about Big some more....do you all mind? I knew you wouldn't! He knows his times tables up to the 4's, and for good measure daddy taught him the hard ones too... you know like 7x8, and 7x7 (which he remembers by saying 49ers..hahahahaha). He's also started new chores this week (making his bed, loading/unloading the dishwasher/helping with the girls after dinner), and actually earning some extra change for helping out with extra stuff like vacuuming. It seems to be going well but I'll keep you posted. We have been having A LOT of random sadness braking out on his part though. I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it while we are on Thanksgiving break this week. I'm hoping it's just normal growing pains, but if you think of it keep him in your prayers for me. It's hard being the oldest sometimes I think... Oh yeah, thinking of Thanksgiving Break this is what he wore home from school on Friday:
hahahahahaha! My little pilgrim!

After talking about Big's catch phrases I decided I really needed to jot a few bits of Little's current vocab down. A few of my favorites are:
Mommy: she now says this clear as day
wow-whew: Love you
On Cee: I want to see
Tain-Too:Thank you
dat-chu: get you
me-me: movie (yes, my child is a Baby Einstein junkie, but at least I get a shower in)
poopy: puppy
tut-tull: Turtle
na-ye: Not yet! (as in no peepee yet)
...man, she has SO many words now! I can't even type them all. She knows all the important people in her life, the foods she loves, most of her feelings, and the new favorite: MINE. She's talking up a storm now...yeash where does the time go!

Oh yeah, and look what my sweet Goddaughter sent me this week:




It totally made my heart smile. She's so freakin' sassy, and sweet; I just adore her. She's a kindergartner. I'm sure she knew how tickled I'd be that she even addressed it herself, and hello, the picture is to die for! It's totally something I would have drawn back in the day. Getting something like this beats opening bills any day.

Ok...I'm finally drawing a blank. I hope you all enjoyed my potpourri of happy thoughts.

So as Little has began dropping her signs and using more and more words lately I find my thoughts wondering down memory lane to when Big was learning to talk. He was an early talker and through the years he's had some GREAT catch phrases (he is his mothers child) and word blunders. So today I thought I'd share my favorites with you....

Who Buyed me That? - This was said to anyone, about everything...with this very face accompanying it.

$200.00- around the same time as his for mentioned 'who buyed me that' stage. A sample conversation would go like this:
Big: I got sucker
me: you do have a sucker, where did you get it?
Big: _______ buyed me that.
me: oh ok
Big: yeah it was $200.00
Me: really $200.00?
Then he'd look at you like you were crazy to ask because OF COURSE it was $200.00 duh look and walk away

The bestest thing I never saw- Oh how I adored this sentence! He'd see just about anything that caught his fancy and belt out "Mama, look it's the bestest thing I never saw!"

Glitter/Glittering: also commonly known as Litter/Littering. Example: Mama, there is so much glitter everywhere, why all those people glittering all the time?

I found it- This is what we would hear ANYTIME we passed a McDonalds, more accurately the golden arches. It did NOT matter if he had just eaten, if we were zooming by one on the side of the freeway, or going to Walmart. If he saw them he would get so excited and shout I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT! Fully convinced we would be stopping to get a kids meal or play in the play place...yeash....tells you a ton about our diet back then hu?

Froggy- AKA foggy. Example: mama I no like it when it's so froggy out here.

and quite possibly my personal favorite:

I don't know that word- Say you were talking to him and he had decided he wasn't going to listen and do what he wanted to do anyway he'd look at you, get all doe eyed, and very slowly say "I don't know that word". Too bad for him it rarely ever worked.

LOL... there are so many more but I think that's good for now. If you were there as he was learning to master the English language don't be shy remind me what some of your favorite BIGisms were!

PS: today's post IS from memory, BUT otherwise I will totally be cheating to get my facts straight because at least when he was little I could say I was a scrapbooker. LOL

They're here! They're here!

Miss Tiny will now be SEEING the world through rose colored (or framed) glasses. See seems to really like them. She can defiantly see better with them on, she even let out a little squeal, it was so sweet. They are a bit too big, but I think that with the rate babies grow in the first year they will probably fit perfectly in no time.
Now I'm about to get very transparent...
I thought I had totally dealt with all my feelings about her having to wear glasses but as I sit here typing tonight I realize I haven't. I meant to be typing about my "waiting" period before Jay got home to share in this "first" but right now I just think I need to dwell in these feelings, and the amazing vision I too received tonight.

I'm excited for this new world she is seeing through her glasses. Just like when we first started patching her eye, when we put her glasses on her her whole face lit up. It was awesome.Then as I sat there looking at her sweet face I got apprehensive. My thoughts went from focusing on this sweet moment as it was to this: They're too big for her face, I think they're too big. People are going to stare. Does she even really need them? Why is her eye still crossing? Maybe I should try and find her a different pair. Would it matter, she's still going to be a baby in glasses... she will always be my child in glasses,a stand out among her siblings, somewhat broken by the worlds standards... somehow less pretty, less fun...WHOA! Where did that come from (besides some of my own insecurities surfacing)! As I was rambling on in my head about being broken I had a second strand of thought. I thought of something one of you told me recently... ' You are the second person that I have heard refer to herself as "broken" and my first reaction is to say that we are NOT broken! But now I say, YES, let us be broken Lord...break us of ourselves...because that is the only way You can work through us!...' You have my forever thanks for that incite Maritez. I realized I know who tried to rob me of enjoying this moment with my baby by planting those seeds of negativity, hurt, and doubt.

So now I say Get behind me Satan.

She is perfectly broken, as am I, and my God loves and wants us anyways. He will use her in great ways, He already has in my life. She is His. May her eyes always be upon Him seeking His face, and His will- be it through rose colored glasses, or whatever her future holds. That is my wish, and prayer tonight as I wash away my negative thoughts, and focus MY eyes on Him and the wonderful blessing he gave me. Only through worrying about her eyes have I learned how to truly see... and the world looks so much brighter now through these small rose colored glasses.

My friend Heidi (THANKS HEIDI) sent me a link I want to share with all of you. It's to a place called Studio Grow .They just opened a branch in Concord. It looks like fun. (click the link and see for yourself) You know I'm all about the hands on learning/play. It says it's geared for children 0-6. Anybody up for a playdate? They are open from 10-2 m-f. If you are up for it let me know when you are available and we'll plan something soon.

Just thought I'd share a jaw dropping mama moment with you all.

Big got his school pictures back on Friday. He looks so B-I-G hu? He's been growing that 70's/Jonas Brothers hair for the last year. He loves it. He is always very specific at the salon that he only wants a trim. So no cut this year. I love that you can see his missing tooth too. Really it is sooOOOoo Him.


Well he had a Daddy and Big day yesterday. They were running errands and Jay had mentioned he was going to get a haircut, Big seemed to like the idea. Ok, I thought we'll see where this goes. Well when they got home last night I saw this:



I scream, no really I was so shocked, tears welled up in my eyes and everything. I wasn't mourning the loss of the growing pains do, I was just amazed he did it. He was so proud of his hair, EVERYONE (including me at times) had wanted him to cut it- but in true Big fashion he stood firm. He liked it and that was that. So when he walked in having made that choice on his own I was so proud. He lives life on his terms, I love that about him. I ADORE having his old/new look back. I can see his face again. And, lets be honest people; there is nothing a mama likes more then staring at her gorgeous children and watching them shine.

Oh man I totally missed my Flashback Friday yesterday.....bummer... I have such a fun post for next week then, so stay tuned. I missed it because I was busy cleaning my house and preparing for a party. Can I say that we had a BLAST. Good food (so easy too, I'll post the recipe on my green blog soon) good friends (new and old), and good fun. Leah made a wonderful sangria...yummmm.....I had a glass or two..teehee....all things in moderation right? Basically I just felt like me. Joan put it best " I need -your name here- time, not just mommy time" Man I think we all do.

What I've been realizing lately is how much fellowship, and a sense of community mean to me. They are essential to my happiness, and the values I strive to teach my children.

The old adage 'It takes a village to raise a child' is so true. You guys are part of my village. You inspire to me to be better, to do better....so thank you for being you. You are all people who have things I adore about you. You inspire me daily. I want my kids to know you on a very real level. I want them to see and learn from your examples too. I want them to be wrapped up so tight in a blanket of loving friends and family that they could never feel cold, alone, unloved, or lost. I want them to know they can trust you and your advice like I do. I want to gather my village....

I've been thinking of setting a few running dates up monthly. If you can make it great- if not that's ok too! We'll catch you next time sort of things. One would be a mama's only thing, and the other could be a family function -like game night, or dinner and a movie. It's still a fresh idea so I have to work out the logistics. Would that interest any of you? If you all have any ideas on this random thought bubble let me know.

Hugs!

Today was my father-in-laws birthday. If he were still alive he would have been 74 years old. He died at 51, worse yet my sweet husband was only 3.5 years old. It's hard for Jay to go to the grave so we don't go every year. Actually we haven't been since Big was about that same age. Come to think of it maybe that was why it had been so hard to get back. But now our family has grown and it was time.These were the thoughts going through my mind today as we took the girls to visit their Lolo's grave for the first time:

Over the years it has always tugged at my heartstrings when people would tell me how much Jay is like his father. His dad was 47 when Jay was born. He considered his children the greatest gifts he had ever received. He loved his wife. He was a good provider, a caring friend, handy, firm, and always wore a smile. By all accounts people were drawn to Abe. Oh yes, my husband is his fathers son; looks, names-sake, personality and all. I am blessed.

Jay has very few memories of his dad. He never grew up with an idea of what a good man, or father was- how could he? The thing is that Jay is an amazing dad. I think the fact that he knows first hand the loss a child feels when their dad isn't around makes him more aware of making time and being present with our kids. Sometimes I spy on them all playing, and laughing and my heart sings.. He works so hard to provide for us, to be a good dad, and set realistic examples for Big of what a good man is. He loves us all, and spending time with us is crazy important to him. Again, I am so blessed.

Isn't God amazing? If we are faithful He blesses us even in death. Even after Abe's body died, God wrapped his family firmly in His hands, protecting them, and molded a man out of the little lost boy that was left when His servant died. A man Abe would have been so proud of, a man who is the dad he had longed to be, and who's children played so curiously around their lolo's grave today.

I wish I could have know him. I wish I could have thanked him for the wonderful son (and daughter) he left behind, and the legacy our children have through him. I wish many things, but I know he is in a better place (the best place actually). I'm so glad we went to the grave today. We didn't stay long, but it was long enough for me to watch my children laugh at his feet, and whisper my thanks and a quite Happy Birthday.

Well my friend Maritez does Wordless Wednesdays and I think that's a stellar idea, BUT I can't seem to make my fingers shut up. So I thought it would be fun to reflect on our life pre-blogging days. If you were there too you get the fun of reliving it, if you were not it you'll get to enjoy some of my favorite past pictures and memories. win-win I say!

In lieu of the recent holiday lets go wwwwaaaaayyyyy back to October 2004.... and talk about a pumpkin named Turkey......


Big was very nearly 3 this year and it was our first of many future trips to Smith Family Farms. He took the whole thing very seriously (as has always been his way). We played, took tons of GREAT pictures, and of course set out to pick our pumpkins. This was the first year Big understood what we were setting out to do. He was very deliberate in his choosing process. Picking up, rolling, and judging many pumpkins along the way. We actually missed the first few tractors back so that he could make his choice. Jay and I had made our choices and kept offering him many cute little pumpkins, then suddenly he got SO excited, and began giggling.There he stood in a field of orange pointing to a little green pumpkin that looked just like a watermelon. He had found his perfect pumpkin.


In this picture on the hayride back from the field I can see his thoughts:.....whats up with all you weirdos and your orange pumpkins, greens the way to go.... or something like that I'm sure. Always so self assured, and never caring what the crowd is doing, he just does Big, even then at 2 he was happy to be himself... it's amazing. What I didn't know that day was how special that little pumpkin would become to our family. Soon after bringing it home Big decided to name it. He named it Turkey. Turkey the green pumpkin. LOL. All that fall he adored Turkey, and watched in amazement as Turkey changed colors with the leaves from green to orange. Fall to Winter: A lifetime with a pumpkin named Turkey and a boy who wasn't afraid to be different.

Moments ago I got back from Tiny's follow up appointment with Dr. Gordon. It was good. She is using both her eyes MUCH better now. She seems to be alternating which eye she uses more at any given moment. The Dr. said that shows her eyes are getting stronger, BUT it is causing them to be misaligned. It seems that the eye she isn't using crosses. He said this is a fairly normal part of the process and was super encouraging about our progress. So now I will be patching her right eye M W F and her left on T TH S...no patching on Sundays (after all that is the day of rest)....whew....good thing I live by my calendar hu?

He also gave me a prescription for her first pair of glasses! She seems to be more farsighted the most babies at her age. She can focus on her own,but when she does so it leads to the crossing. Our hope is that with glasses the misalignment can be corrected and surgery will not be needed. If that is the case she will probably need glasses her entire life like here mama. Her first glasses will need to be these one piece plastic frames she (or more likely her sister) won't be able to break. they are made by Solo Bambini and you can view them here: http://www.solobambini.com Now I need to find a local shop that carries them.

I'm just so grateful right now. I'm grateful we live in a place where a 6 month old can be helped to see better. I'm grateful we have an awesome Dr. I'm grateful for all your prayers, and caring concern for my sweet baby. But most of all I'm so very grateful that I serve the Great Physician. He is using this experience in such an amazing way in my life. I'm watching this blessed baby grow and change right before my eyes and I realize that she is perfect the way she is. She brings something to my life that none of my other children have before. Something I can not even explain. My sweet Daddy is speaking to me through this and telling me that I am not as broken as I often feel. That He sees me like I see her...a wonderful, amazing, marvel of His creation. For that I am unyieldingly grateful.

I've been talking about writing a post about Big's school adventures for awhile now, but just kept putting it off. See the thing is lately I feel like Dorothy when she landed in Oz... just so confused.

I might as well start by letting you know this post is going to make me sound like a total braggart. The pride I have stored up in that little boy is amazing- because he IS amazing!!!

Big is the quiet contemplative type. Always eager to learn. So it was no wonder that he was reading well at 3. All his life if he's shown an interest in something Jay and I would dive right in with him and start soaking up the knowledge we needed to help him understand whatever it was that caught his fancy. This process works for him. He LOVES to learn. He LOVES being smart. The caveat is that he also HAS to be challenged. You know the saying 'idle hands are the devils playground'? This is so true for him. If he's not engaged he will find something to do, and most likely it will not be grownup approved. Once Jay and I learned that we were fine.

Then Kindergarten started. By his first few weeks of kindergarten we were faced with the rude reality that not all parents put the effort into their children that we had. There were kids in his class that had no idea what their real first names were let alone how to spell them. Big had known that for what felt like forever. When the teacher so proudly announced the list of words they would learn by years end we were floored. I, am, we, the....you get the picture. We soon decided that kindergarten was going to be mostly for socialization. By the end of the year Big had learned to read, write and spell all the words from k-3rd grade. He was proud of himself, and proud to be a 'smart guy'.

In the first year I had trepidation with more then school work. Big is a timid sweet boy, and we had issues with bullies. It sucked. I hoped the whole experience would be better this year...

First grade is underway now and we are seeing a lot of the same problems. He gets bored so easily with his work. He's tired of saying A says 'ah'. I don't blame him. If I'd known that for almost 4 years I'd be ready to move on too. His teacher is kind but new. Instead of challenging him like we discussed she gives him busy work like checking her markers. I know that there are things to be learned in school that are not academic, but I've gotten to the point where I feel like he's being dumbed down instead of learning. We have requested a conference. To top it all off he came home from school last week and told me that a kid grabbed him by his collar and socked him in the lip-it bled. So the bullies are back...great....

Here comes the tornado sweeping me away to OZ.
I always said I wasn't the 'homeschooling type'. I loose my patience easily, I have wretched spelling and grammar, and I suck at math. Does that sound like a teacher to you? I wrote the idea off long ago.....swirling, faster, faster, THEWACK!.....OZ
Then God started bringing these great home schoolers into my life. Wow, it can be great!! There are so many groups and co-ops, you don't have to do it alone. Everything great Big knows he learned at home anyways, the field trips and real life learning we could do! Would Jay go for it? .....hmmm, what is this place?.....
These thoughts have been heavy on my mind and in my prayers lately. Maybe, I am the homeschooling type after all? I don't know. I'll just keep praying, listen for God, and learning more about it until I feel I have the answers. If you would could you pray too? Not just about the HS thing (but do lift that up to Him if you think about it) but for Big as he goes to school. It's a scary Forrest filled with flying monkeys out there.....

Oh we're not in Kansas anymore people, good thing my God doesn't need ruby slippers hu?