I have about 2 minutes to myself right now. Tiny's out for the night (lucky me, I know) and my 2 other children are blissfully playing in the backyard. I am blessed.


So before I forget I wanted to update you all on Miss Tiny's progress. We've now been patching her 2 hrs. a day, everyday for a full week. I'm so very amazed that we can already see a difference!!!! It took about 2.5 days for the crying to stop, halfway through that third session it was like a light bulb went on.... she realized how to use her right eye. It's truly amazing what's going on with her. She's tracking with both eyes together now. Sometimes her eyes are even aligned properly right after her patch get removed, or she wakes up. She's her normal sweet happy self but something about her is more vibrant. I guess when you can see your surroundings better you can enjoy them so much more. I now can not wait for her next Dr. appointment. I'm just so excited and grateful. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they mean everything to us. I'll keep you posted as things progress.

...now to the dishes!

Ha! Bet that caught your attention. But really that's a great summary of my day today.

Both the girls and I have icky head colds. I had all these marvelous plans for the day today- I'm so bummed I missed CBS. I really enjoy the women in my core group (thanks Joan!!!!), and the fellowship it brings, but when I finally woke up for real this morning ( I say for real here because Little began trying to wake up during the 4 o'clock hour this morning) I was certain it was Saturday and completely appalled when Jay announced he was off to work. After realizing it was indeed a work day, assessing the girls snot status, and taking an Advil, I decided today was most certainly a stay at home sort of day. So the girls and I walked Big to the bus stop then bummed around in our PJ's for the day. It was nice to just be, ok minus the whining and snot. I find that I'm always on the go now, so maybe that was my sweet Daddies way of telling me to chillax.

Once I decided the day might be worth while after all, it was time to cook dinner. here's where the cauliflower comes in. I love finding things that make me excited to cook, or even better make my kids excited to eat. This week at Farmers Market I found Purple cauliflower. PURPLE! From an organic farm no less. Sometime I will have to post a blog devoted to my love of the farmers market, but for tonight I'll stick with the cauliflower. I'm one of those lucky few mom's who's kids like their fruits and veggies. So the whole getting them to eat them isn't really the problem. I find that they, and let's be honest here- and I get bored of the same ol' same old. I cook the same...oh....lets say 20 dinner rotation all the time so when i find ways to make it fun, and change it up I get stoked. Lately I've been stepping out of my Filipino recipe box and going healthier. We eat brown rice (a HUGE feat) every other time, stuff like that. So like I said Cauliflower is a regular, well liked veggie in my house. I gatta tell you though the response to the veggies I cooked up tonight was awesome. They were a total hit (along with the turkey burgers, on whole grain whole wheat buns...check me out!). They were lovely, and Big was stunned. He wanted to save some to prove to his friends that Cauliflower can be purple. For the record it also comes in an orange variety, and although the color was shocking it tasted just the same.

So that was my day head colds, and cauliflower. Tough and rewarding. So is the life of all mothers.

Ok, so I kept it secret but we were able to change Tiny's Ophthalmologist appointment to yesterday. So we went and saw Dr. Gordon Smith. He was referred to us by on of my husbands Co-workers. He was sOOOooooOOO nice. He really made me feel comfortable. It looks like her muscles are a-ok. He said they look strong. Which leaves us with vision problems as the reason for her Strabismus, which left untreated could become amblyopia. All babies are farsighted but she seems much more farsighted then the norm. We were there for about 1.5 hrs. so it did take a while BUT I'm excited to have a plan of action now.

As for now we are going to patch her left eye (go figure, that seems to be the strong one) for 2 hrs. a day. We are going to do that for the next 6 weeks. Then see him again. We tried it yesterday and she cried the entire 1.5 hr. she had it on, so keep that in your prayers for us.

After our apt. in 6 wks we will decide if we need to meet with the surgeon, but that seems less likely now that her muscles seem to be working well.

It still seems likely that glasses will be in her very near future, and I'm ok with that. It'll be kind of sweet to finally look into one of my children's face and see a reflection of myself.

Halloween's coming up and me and the besties are dressing the kids up in classic scary costumes, Tiny was going to be a black cat, but maybe this year she'll be a pirate instead...ARgh!

Night and day, oil and vinegar, and Little and Jilly. They are that different. Yet, they are best friends. Fair gentle Jilly, and my Little. My rough, larger then life, sassy pants Little. Don't let the description fool you. Jilly is no pansy, and Little isn't always mean. They are uniquely themselves yet fully and truly best friends. At their age it helps that their mothers are BFF's, but even outside of Heather and I being friends they have formed their own little bonds.

It is true that they have cat fights worthy of Jerry Springer (usually instigated by Little). Little thinks it is HI-freaking-larious to steal Jillys cup, ok honestly Jillys anything, and run away as fast as possible. They fight over shoes (what self respecting best friends don't!), and Little has a tendency to go straight for Jillys hair should any thing even slightly offend her. Jilly is queen of the mines, and no Littles- but lets be honest Little needs someone to stand up to her and offer her those restrictions.

Even through all that turmoil they ADORE each other. They share such sweet moments. A grand example is the butterfly. We were all at market on Tuesday this summer. Having a typical breezy kind of afternoon when the girls spotted a butterfly. They all wondered off to chase it. It fluttered near them for a while then flew away. Watching girls chase butterflies is in it's self a lovely picture but the story gets better. Neither of our girls were talking then, but they both used baby signs. I was blessed to have witnessed this conversation, spoken between them without a single word.

Jilly signs: Butterfly
Little signs: butterfly
They both laugh, it flies away.
Little holds out her hands using the general where is it gesture
Jilly signs: butterfly all gone
Little signs: all gone
Then they wonder back to our blankets.

It was one of those moments you know you will savor forever.

They share a lot more nice moments like this now a days. they ask for each other, are overjoyed when they see each other, and as hard as it may be to believe do share (sometimes). They are friends through and through. Some times it get ugly, sometimes surgery sweet (today upon our exit Little laid a BIG sloppy kiss and hug on Jilly), but it is genuine, and I am grateful.

Like day is to night, peas are to carrots; Jillian is to Little.

...this post is purely selfish on my part. Big and I have been locked in a Battle Royal of sorts for the last ohhhhhh 2 months. I don't know if it's his age, stage, or curiosity. Or if it's my shaky nerves, divided time, or high standards. Regardless of what, or why we have been at odds. This moment in his life he's in Character Training boot camp. I don't like feeling like a drill Sargent. The role is mine though, and if he's going to be the awesome man I know he will be someday then I have to stay the course. I have to tough it out, and know that in time this too shall pass. So today, instead of dwelling on these tough times I'd like to share 5 purely organic Bub tidbits with you.

1. I completely ADORE how he speaks. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and it must be true. I always hear how none of my children look anything like me, and it's true until he opens his mouth. Everything about his linguistic skills scream Desiree's Boy. The way he forms his sentences, his catch phrases, his vocabulary... it's all blessedly me. The boy uses the word apparently, as much as most kids his age say "yeah". I love it.

2. He is steadfast in his beliefs. He has more faith then most adults. But what's really amazing is his openness about what he believes is right. He will sing praises to God anywhere. He will pray with zero doubt about whether or not God is listening, because he knows he is. He doesn't worry what others think of him EVER! (if you've ever seen his bedhead, and mismatched clothes you now know why) He's so comfortable in his own skin, his own thoughts, and his own beliefs. I think most of you remember the polar bear episode. If not picture Bub after his "sudo-hippie" mama let him watch Inconvenient Truth. He had us all watching our "carbon"out put. LOL

3. Simply, I love his giggle. It's so pure, so honest. It's not forced or contrived. If you get him laughing it's the real thing, and it feeds your soul. I have more energy right now just thinking about it. The high pitched squeal, the way his face opens up, then BOOM he's laughing.

4. The boy can make anything if you give him a marker and a pile of junk. He will make something he thinks is wonderfully fun. This week he found a lone balloon. He blew it up. Then drew a face on each side. One was a cute happy face that thrilled Little. The other side can be seen in the picture. He then spent a good half hour punching "his lights out" laughing, and making Little laugh too.


5. one word: Cooley. I find something so sweet about his devotion to that bear. He calls Cooley his only brother. He loved him from the moment he picked his heart and stuffed him, and he loves him still. In this season where so much is changing, I breath a sigh of relief when I have to kiss Cooley good nite too. I silently thank God for giving me that reminder that regardless of what he thinks he is still a little boy. I hope I have to search for Cooley if he's missing, help him find his_______, listen to him tell me how it can't be bedtime yet in his very pokemon-ish language "coOl, co Cooley cool", and kiss him good nite for at least a few more years.

....well there are tonight's 5. And what do you know, I do appreciate who he is more now then when I started typing this. Yes, times have been rough but at the end of the day he's still my Big. The sweet boy that needs his mama to stay and wavy goodbye as the bus drives away. Who swears he's lonely at school because he's decided he needs a hug from me like once every hour even though when he's home I have to beg for those same hugs, and the boy that can't sleep without a kiss for him- and his bear. Those are the things I need to dwell on. Those are the facts that really matter, after all the rest is just growing pains.

I feel like crying this afternoon. It's been a tough weekend, ok well mostly a rough Sunday. I did too much, my kids were overtired, and as a whole my life felt very chaotic without my husband. I wish I could say that was why, but deep down I know it's not.

I just got back from the dr. office for Tiny's four month check up. This appointment was so important to me. I have been waiting on pins and needles, ignoring my mommy instincts, hoping beyond hope the dr. would say "oh Mrs. Vibat her eyes are fine (ok so I knew she wouldn't say that) we just need to do, this, that, and the other thing." I was hoping that because when I called in and told them my concerns, they down played them and asked me to wait until this 4 month check up before I worried too much, after all a little crossing is normal.

Normal, I hate that word. What's normal anyway? She is who she is, she is her own normal. She is NOT her eyes. They are apart of her.

sorry... anyways...

instead of what I had hoped to hear, I herd what I dreaded to hear.
"ohhhhh, ahhhh, wow that's really a lot worse then at her 2 month apt hu?"
"yes, that's why I called. It seems to be getting worse"
"ahhh, well is there a history?"
"yes, I have a lazy eye, was patched and have worn glasses all my life. I mentioned that last time I believe"
"ok, well this is really bad, is she tracking, do they ever go straight? Let's refer you to a pediatric ophthalmologist"
"ok, thank you"

I wanted to scream. I knew I should have booked her an appointment. Thank God there's one in walnut creek. We will see her on the 25. That's 10 days. 10 more days.

10 days doesn't sound like much, and as far as conditions go eyes are well understood, and easily fixed. My mind knows that but my heart hurts. I'm not sure if it hurts for her, or hurts from my own memories. The world can be so cruel. Often not even realizing it is being cruel. The first thing people do is look into your eyes, and if they are not right they point it out. I still hate having a lazy eye. I want so much more for her then these insecurities I have carried around my whole life.

I just want people to see her. Not her bad eyes, not a patch, or the cute tiny glasses that are surely in her future; but her. My sweet calm ray of sunshine.

I promise to be more lighthearted in the future, but today I'm just so frustrated. I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening, and for being the select few who do see and love her just as she is.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

man, that's gotta be one of the truest statements ever.

Welcome to our family blog! Upon discovering that a few of my dear friends had started new blogs, and facing the bitter truth that I will unfortunately NEVER be caught up on my scrapbooking I too have decided a blog devoted solely to my family and their never ending antics is a fabulous idea. My goal is to update it a couple of times a week. If you are planning to join me be prepared for bad grammar, terrible spelling, made up words, and lots of little lovely bits that will hopefully help you see my children through my eyes. They are my greatest gifts, and best teachers. I would be lost without them.
I have limited time tonight. I am a single mom for the weekend and my filthy house is screaming for attention. So the true updates will have to wait. Tonight I say welcome, thank you for caring, and please visit again.