I mean really?

Little is SUCH a different person. We like to refer to her as BIG. She’s just one of those people who command attention, and make you smile. The last few months have been so fun. She’s talking and learning at such an astounding rate! I feel so guilty I haven’t had time to jot much of it down, but here are a few tidbits I never want to forget.

I’m sure I mentioned that she thinks she’s a nudist. We are working on her at least wearing panties, well last week when I asked her why she was naked she said, “Wa wa wah I dunno what happened!” I just Laughed and laughed. Now when anything goes wrong she says wa wa wah…LOL that girl!

Another one of her favorite sayings is “so much…” Like ...I had so much funny today! Or, ... I have so much blue blueberries, or... mama I so much happy...Oh yes, Abby, you are so so much…

She’s such a walking juxtaposition. This picture is a perfect example. She wanted to go bike riding, put on the helmet herself and we told her she needed to go get shoes on. This is how she came back.

She’s completely girly. She would wear a dress and her cowboy boots (if you know her you know the ones) every day if I would let her. She LOVES playing dress up and kitchen. She calls herself boo-tip-ul, and a pretty pretty princess, and she’ll never refuse a chance to get her nails painted.

She’s such a tomboy. She hates her hair fussed with. She’s always dirty, and exploring. She thinks Farts are hilarious. Bugs are her very favorite things in the world. Right now, ladybugs are the best; but really any bug will do. She’s LOUD, and tough as nails. She’s so unpredictable.

She’s also such a good big sister, OK lets be honest most of the time. Her pet peeve is when Tiny interrupts story time. But most of the time I’d say she deserves a gold star. They play together so nicely now. Little is always telling me what her sisser wants, or trying to help her all by herself. While driving home from the beach the other day Tiny was crying. After offering her a few toys, and patting her leg she looked at her and half pleading and half encouraging she said “(Her nickname) Don’t worry, Be happy!” I just had to smile, and nod. Yes my children please don’t worry, just be happy; luckily Abby is. She’s perfectly happy being herself.

As her second year of life is progressing she’s decided naps are No good, that a great big stack of books is grand (“mama story time, time to read mama! Story time”), loud sounds like public toilets flushing or HUGE lawnmowers are really scary, and everything can be sung.

She’s a horse of a different color alright. In her own words “Oh! I know what to do”…I’ll enjoy every color she offers us. Who wants to live in black and white anyway?

My sweet friend Maritez (who has now gone private with her blog) tagged me to write 10 honest things about myself. So hold on to your seat because I'm as strange and quirky as they come.

Let's start it slow...

1. I'm not a good spellar....LOL ...Ok, but really I'm always mixing up my vowels and checking dictionary.com.

2 .I make sure to wear pink once a week. It's my favorite color and it makes me happy.

3.I don't go a single day without telling at least one person I love them. And it's twice as likely I will tell everyone I love, that I love them every chance I get.

4. When I was little I was desperate to change my name to : LoveHeartRainbowSmile.... never mind that it was 21 letters long.

5. There are few things I enjoy more then an afternoon outside, and reading with my kids. Days where I can combine the two activities are just about heaven on earth for me.

6. I talk to myself.... (and movies, and God)...A LOT.

7. My house being dirty clouds my mind and frustrates me; but I REALLY hate cleaning it... ok mostly just doing dishes and folding laundry..but with 3 kids both of those jobs are never ending.

8. My usual at Starbucks is: a grande Americano in a venti cup, the remainder filled with cream, and 2+ splenda.... easy right?

9. I allow my children to eat leaves, grass, and once by accident a mouthful of tan bark without blinking. I'm so NOT a nature germ-a-phob...public bathrooms and gum under tables...a WHOLE 'nother story!

and last but not least in the spirit of honesty and showing how truly unique I am....

10. On the rare day that I eat grilled cheese sandwiches I dip them in mustard and ketchup. I know it sounds gross and I won't let my kids even try it, but I still do it anyways. To each their own right?

... so that's me. A bit more then you wanted to know I'm sure, but in my defense I never claimed to be normal.

I'm supposed to tag 7 people, but bloggylands been quiet lately so lets try this: If you post your own list of ten, comment here and let me know. I'd love to read it.

ps. the eye candy is circa 2004. I've been day dreaming about Bigs' blonde hair back then recently because I think Tinys' may go blonde too this summer, and I just adored it. Also, my hubby loves holding our pictures hostage at work so i don't have any recient ones!

Ok ok so Big is no guest here, but today's post is a story he wrote for school for a twisted fairy tales project. I'm stifling proud giggles because it is SO him.

Without further adieu I present you:

Once upon a time there were three little ants and a big bad magnifying glass. Ant number one made his house out of leaves. Then along came the big bad magnifying glass and said, "little ant, little ant, let me come in!" The little ant said, "Never! I'll never let you in!" Then the big bad magnifying glass said, "Then I'll burn and burn and burn your house down." Then the little ant said, "AHHH!!!" and ran to his wiser brother. He was building a house too. He made his house out of steel and when it was done they went in. Then along came the big bad magnifying glass and said, "Little ants, little ants let me in." The little ants said . "We will never let you in!" Then the magnifying glass said, "then I'll super heat your house down!" So he did. The ants said, "AHHH!" So they went to their wisest brother. he was making a house of sand. When he was done, they all went in. Then along came the big bad magnifying glass and said, " Little ants, little ants, let me come in." The ants said, "NO!" The magnifying glass said, "Then I'll burn and I'll burn and I'll burn your house in." So he did, and the house turned to glass! The wisest brother told his other brothers and sisters that the only way to keep the magnifying glass away is sand.

The End

In lieu of our Anniversary on Wednesday I thought I'd flash us back to the days surrounding my wedding.

Thoughts the day after my wedding. Taken from my (gasp) MySpace blog May 21, 2006:

On Thursday we got a call from Doris our Hotel contact. She said the weather forecast was rain and she wanted to move us inside, BUT if we moved inside that was it. There was no possibility of us moving back out side. My dreams of a garden wedding would be in shambles. With a whole lot of stress, humming and hawing, and a leap of faith we decided to keep things as they were and hold the entire event outside still. For better or worse we had decided.
On Friday when we arrived it was stunning. The sun was shining I was so happy everything was going according to my plan. By 3:30 (our rehearsal time) it was raining. I knew that was the forecasted weather, and had promised myself that I wouldn't get upset, but I started to feel sick. Until that moment I never knew what the term 'my knees are shaking' was all about, but I can honestly say that on Friday afternoon my knees were shaking. I thought I was going to pass out.
How was I going to do this??? My beautiful garden wedding in the rain???? Everyone began to hope, cross their fingers and pray. Around 6:45 we stepped out side to see that the rain had stopped. Then (and this is the gospel truth) as I was standing in the parking lot the sun started shining down on me. I don't mean near me, I mean ON me. One little hole in the clouds where the sun could shine down directly upon me. Then it hit me, I can't do this, God has to do this for me. I have to have the faith that he will take care of me, of us.
Now for most of you who know me well you know that putting faith in Gods hands and giving up control is hard for me, as Sara so perfectly said in her toast I am Neurotic!! But I did (I mean it is the weather so I don't know how much it counts) I just began praying, not just for my wants but to thank God for all the blessing he had already shown us. I watched the news (the forecast was looking up)and went to bed.
When I woke up it was lovely. The sun was shinning the birds where singing (well OK that is just poetic license but you get the drift). It was beautiful!!! I had to take a walk and Thank God for allowing me to be tested, for finding a way to bless me and touch my heart more deeply then he had in so long. I knew right then as I walked around downtown Monterey by myself that this was all a part of his plan. He wanted to bless us. He has always wanted to bless us.
It was his plan that brought Jay and I together so many times before we got it right. Campus Life, Catalina, Senior Class Photo, and Photo Class... I guess for us the forth time was the charm. It was his plan that we were blessed with our son. He wanted us to both find what we had been searching for in this life, unconditional love. He wanted to provide this happiness to us. We just had to find the faith.
When I was little my mom always used to tell me that if we have the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains, I never really understood what that meant until yesterday. Now I do. Rain clouds are as good a place to start as anything I guess.

...and finally a story about the depth of Love.

We were so blessed to have a WONDERFUL AMAZING photographer who caught this moment on film, as it was being etched into my heart. (If you browse his gallery you'll see more pictures of us there!)

After our ceremony we were all gathering to take group pictures when it became clear that Big was distraught. I called him to me. I just figured it was all the commotion and nerves, he's never been to fond of crowds, but then he started to cry.
Mama do you still love me?
Shocked I quickly swept him into my arms, squeezed him and told him I did.
Of course I do Big! What would ever make you think I didn't?
he Shrugged, and gasped for air.
I dunno, you're married now, you love daddy.
I had to stop and collect myself. How could he NOT feel the gravity of those vows, and that moment. It was full of love. How was a four year old supposed to process a moment like that? I could see it all so clearly from his perspective, and it made me appreciate the moment so much more. I explained.
You are my son. I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. I have always loved Daddy, but now he's my husband. The love is still the same. We are a family, and we all love each other.
He sighed and snuggled in close. His place secure. His heart calmed and full.
I thought so this, this today is love.


...there were so so many moments that made that day beautiful, but the best was Finally being able to look at the man I loved, and love still and calling him my husband... it's an indescribable feeling. It's a word, but the weight it holds is life changing, even when you've shared so much life already.

I've talked a lot (more in person) in the past about Bigs struggles of the heart. Sometimes it feels like we are trying to walk up the escalator that is going down. It's exhausting, heart wrenching work- this parenting business. I know he's an amazing person, and JUST the (not so little) guy God ordained him to be. I can't do anything to change that. My job is to watch over him, and teach him to safe guard his heart. To only allow what is good, and pure to flow from it. Sometimes I wonder how I can help him with that task when so often I'm the one getting frustrated, and angry. I'm fallen. I'm not perfect, on my own I fail....lucky for me I'm not alone hu?

It's amazing how when I step back, practice a little Masterly Inactivity, and a lot of praying what the great Shepherd can, and WILL do.

Big has had such a turn around the last few weeks. He's shrugged off the "poor me's" and the "That's not fairs" and has fully embraced his gentler side- his kuya's heart. There have been so many moments that have made me stop, smile, and whisper thanks to the only One who can change our hearts.But, tonight I will share just a few, because blessedly there have been too many to recount.

He had to write a paragraph this week for his homework. The prompt was: Tell why everyday should be first grade day on the playground.
Monday he was struggling with it, so I encouraged him to take that day and think the question through. He then worked on it the rest of the week, and this evening handed me this:

I don't think it would be fair if everyday was first grade day but it would be fun. It would be fun to play lava monster instead of jump rope. Everyday should not be first grade day. Second grade will not be happy if everyday was first grade day.

..now I'm not saying it's the best paragraph but the HEART is right, and honestly that's what matters most to me anyways.

The biggest change has been toward Little. I think he saw her as a bit of an usurper to tell the truth. Yes, she's his sister, and yes, he's ALWAYS loved her but it has only been recently that he's shown a true tenderness and thoughtfulness towards her...a softer heart, a changed heart.

When a girl in his class had a party last week she included fancy rings with the Disney Princesses in the goodie bags. Of coarse all the boys thought they were AWFUL, so as they were about to throw them out Big kindly reclaimed them for his sister. His sister who adores dressing up ALMOST as much as being a nudist. He walked in the door and straight away called her to him. He sweetly told her he had a prize for her and placed the rings on her fingers. My heart melted.

Then this morning Little made a HUGE mess. She was having a hard time focusing to clean up without someone singing the clean up song for her, so he went into sing for her. If that wasn't sweet enough, when she wondered off he completed the job for her. No shouts of the inequality, or begging for praise and prizes. Not a peep. He silently completed the task with a true servants heart. He was HAPPY to help his little sister. I only know about this because I walked in on him. I was so proud.

He's always been a sweet boy. I hope that this post doesn't make it seem like he's never done a kind thing for her, or others; because he has. It's just that his heart song is different. It reflects differently on his face, and through his whole being. I've always been proud of him because he is wonderful, but this unselfish outlook makes me drop to my knees, and pour out a heart full of praise. My job as a parent isn't any different this week because of his changed heart. I'm still trying to guard, and direct; but it's wonderful to see that although I am larger I am not the true Shepherd...I am just another lamb. We are in this together. A Ewe and her lambs following the Great Shepherd along in this crazy wilderness. We may wonder, get hungry, or hurt but He will always guide us back to where we need to go. I don't have to be perfect for our Shepherd to use me, and His work on Bigs heart is not dependent on me.We just need to keep our eyes on Him.

can it be? Is my sweet Tiny ALREADY a year old? Yes, I guess she is. I ran across this quote while party planing, and it just suits her.

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. - James Barrie


...doesn't it?
Our sweet Sunshine was born 22 days early. After a mere 4 minutes of pushing. She was so sweet, and so so Tiny. She weighted just over 5 lbs. I saw her and I was in love.
So were her siblings. AJ was SO proud of her (and her sweet name) and Little, who was only using baby signs at the time just kept signing baby and patting her chest to let us know it was her baby.
She proved to be more delicate from the start. Not only was she small in stature, but she had a difficult time nursing, low blood sugar, and after being home no more then 24 hours, her doctors informed us she had jaundice. Jaundice is always trick for us because Jay and I have such different coloring they often just think the kids have his color. (There is still a heated debate in our house about Abby's case) We weren't that worried.... at first.
Then on the 19 I insisted they check her bibirubin level again, a day early.. By the time her blood was drawn her gums and whites of her eyes were yellow, and she was oompa lumpa colored as my husband so eloquently put it.When the results came back her bili level was 23. When we got the results back the Dr sent us back to the hospital...do not pass go, do not collect $100, the room was already ready for her. Clearly my tiny baby was in danger. It wasn't until a few days later that I learned how close a call it was. When a babies Bili level reaches 25 children often suffer permanent brain damage. And once you hit the 20's the numbers tend to rise VERY quickly. I shudder to think what could have happened if we had waited until Tuesday afternoon to get her checked. But God's timing is always spot on. We spent 2 nights and 3 days on intensive phototherapy before she was discharged . It was the scariest thing I have ever faced as a mother thus far. Only a God with a wonderful sense of humor would see fit to have a baby named Sunshine turn bright yellow, and bring people together in warm prayers like He did...He is so so good.
Tiny has a different feel about her then our other children. She always has. A peace- she is simply happy to be. To be loved, and to be near those she loves. She has taught me more about myself in this year then any of my children before her. Through her God has taught me to accept, and love who He made me to be....she is my unexpected blessing. My third child. The least documented, but surely the most enjoyed. I've loved every minute of her babyhood, yet I can't wait for what the future holds....

Happy Birthday Tiny girl. Mama Loves you more then you could ever know.

This ones gatta be brief. I have a party to prep for....but, this is a story worth telling.

After the initial shock wore off everyone was so excited that we were having another baby, but none more so then Big. He was convinced that this time we'd get it right and he'd have his brother. After all what's a little boy need TWO sisters for. This was almost an end game discussion. Try as we might AJ didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that the new baby could be another sister.

By this point I'm sure, you are well aware of the outcome, but lets just say that at our ultrasound there was ZERO doubt...it was another girl. When we found out I had duel emotions. Another girl meant it was going to be SO much easier for me. We didn't need to buy anything, the babies could share a room, and I could picture tea parties. BUT, I knew deep in the pit of my being AJ was about to be crushed. How can we spin this, I kept thinking. How can we tell him he was DEFINITELY NOT having a brother.

We came up with a 3 fold plan on the drive home.

1. We'd show him the ultrasound photos and let him read/see for himself. Pending on his reaction we'd move on to step 2.
2. We'd tell him that God thought he was SUCH a great big brother to the sister he already had that He decided he'd bless him with another sister to look out for two. Now He'd be the only boy, and the Kuya at that. How cool is that.
3. If all else failed we allow him to give her a middle name. We thought that that would help him bond with his new sister.

Well, He looked at the pictures. When he got to the one that read "it's a girl!" he tossed them on the ground and RAN tears dripping down his red hot cheeks to his room. Needless to say w needed all planned steps, and then some.

Once he calmed down, and accepted the responsibility of choosing her middle name he thought for a moment and said " How about Sunshine?"
OH no I don't think that's a name, why don't you take some time to think about it hun? We have a lot more time.

But week after week I'd try and sway him away from Sunshine, and week after week he stood firm. Finally, after a particularly feisty bout of name suggestions I said "Fine, If it's in the book then we'll name her Sunshine"(funny, this is the first time I noted the color of his shirt the FIRST time he laid eyes on her, how appropriate!)

I was doing pretty good about mornings for awhile there. I was getting up WAY before everyone and enjoying my me time. Coffee, devotion, blogging, and life was good. Then the girls started waking up that early too. Then it was time change...fast forward to now and you get the drift.

I have had a wake up call though. Actually I've had two. They went something like this.

Morning A
Little: HI mommy. Morning mommy I wake up! Mommy I wake up.
Then just as I was feeling oh so proud of Little's verbiage... I hear a dreaded wisssssss sound and my pillow is drenched.

yea, that was NOT a good day. talk about waking up on the wrong WET side of the bed.

Morning B
Little: Hi mommy. Morning mommy I wake up! Mommy I wake up! I hunrey mama.
Me: Hi baby, OK just a second kay... (yes, yes, I know but cut me some slack I'm exhausted)
Little:OK mama I be rye back...
her feet patter off down the hall. I stretch, but cling to my nice warm blanket as though my life depend on it.
Little reappears now dressed...if you know her you know this is shocking.
Little: I hunrey mama, mama help me
(once again I know)
Me: OK honey just a second....again she runs off. This time I am actually preparing to roll out of bed when she runs back down the hall. Her hands are full.
Little: here go mama breakfass! I hunrey... as she passes me a bowl, a can opener, and a can of Mandarin oranges (which she adores). All of those things were in their respective places. My 2 year old gathered them and brought them to me IN BED.

Yea, a wake up call. Besides crackin' me up this taught me 3 things.

1. I can always count on Little to keep it interesting
2. My Little girl is getting mighty BIG (did I mention that she didn't even leave a mess in her wake?)
3. No more sleeping in on the job. If she's an early bird I guess I should be too because clearly 7 am isn't early enough in her book.