I've talked a lot (more in person) in the past about Bigs struggles of the heart. Sometimes it feels like we are trying to walk up the escalator that is going down. It's exhausting, heart wrenching work- this parenting business. I know he's an amazing person, and JUST the (not so little) guy God ordained him to be. I can't do anything to change that. My job is to watch over him, and teach him to safe guard his heart. To only allow what is good, and pure to flow from it. Sometimes I wonder how I can help him with that task when so often I'm the one getting frustrated, and angry. I'm fallen. I'm not perfect, on my own I fail....lucky for me I'm not alone hu?

It's amazing how when I step back, practice a little Masterly Inactivity, and a lot of praying what the great Shepherd can, and WILL do.

Big has had such a turn around the last few weeks. He's shrugged off the "poor me's" and the "That's not fairs" and has fully embraced his gentler side- his kuya's heart. There have been so many moments that have made me stop, smile, and whisper thanks to the only One who can change our hearts.But, tonight I will share just a few, because blessedly there have been too many to recount.

He had to write a paragraph this week for his homework. The prompt was: Tell why everyday should be first grade day on the playground.
Monday he was struggling with it, so I encouraged him to take that day and think the question through. He then worked on it the rest of the week, and this evening handed me this:

I don't think it would be fair if everyday was first grade day but it would be fun. It would be fun to play lava monster instead of jump rope. Everyday should not be first grade day. Second grade will not be happy if everyday was first grade day.

..now I'm not saying it's the best paragraph but the HEART is right, and honestly that's what matters most to me anyways.

The biggest change has been toward Little. I think he saw her as a bit of an usurper to tell the truth. Yes, she's his sister, and yes, he's ALWAYS loved her but it has only been recently that he's shown a true tenderness and thoughtfulness towards her...a softer heart, a changed heart.

When a girl in his class had a party last week she included fancy rings with the Disney Princesses in the goodie bags. Of coarse all the boys thought they were AWFUL, so as they were about to throw them out Big kindly reclaimed them for his sister. His sister who adores dressing up ALMOST as much as being a nudist. He walked in the door and straight away called her to him. He sweetly told her he had a prize for her and placed the rings on her fingers. My heart melted.

Then this morning Little made a HUGE mess. She was having a hard time focusing to clean up without someone singing the clean up song for her, so he went into sing for her. If that wasn't sweet enough, when she wondered off he completed the job for her. No shouts of the inequality, or begging for praise and prizes. Not a peep. He silently completed the task with a true servants heart. He was HAPPY to help his little sister. I only know about this because I walked in on him. I was so proud.

He's always been a sweet boy. I hope that this post doesn't make it seem like he's never done a kind thing for her, or others; because he has. It's just that his heart song is different. It reflects differently on his face, and through his whole being. I've always been proud of him because he is wonderful, but this unselfish outlook makes me drop to my knees, and pour out a heart full of praise. My job as a parent isn't any different this week because of his changed heart. I'm still trying to guard, and direct; but it's wonderful to see that although I am larger I am not the true Shepherd...I am just another lamb. We are in this together. A Ewe and her lambs following the Great Shepherd along in this crazy wilderness. We may wonder, get hungry, or hurt but He will always guide us back to where we need to go. I don't have to be perfect for our Shepherd to use me, and His work on Bigs heart is not dependent on me.We just need to keep our eyes on Him.